| Friends and Relatives are so thoughtful and kind | | | | hot tub while pregnant even though she did it when |
| ...they try to say the right thing and even stick out | | | | she was PG with her own kids, |
| their neck and lend a hand even for the most | | | | 2. IP's didn't like the fact that she had wine while |
| controversial job ie offering to be a surrogate and | | | | pregnant with their child although they poured HER |
| carry YOUR baby. At first this may seem to be | | | | wine when she was PG with her own children. |
| manna from Heaven! Someone has stepped up to | | | | 3. IPs didn't like her OB or where she was planning on |
| the plate and recognized that there is a problem here | | | | giving birth although it was good enough for her own |
| and they are going to act as savior and 'make it all | | | | children. |
| OKAY'. Better yet they may 'want nothing' as far as | | | | 4. During the first family gathering after the baby |
| compensation (money) but they MAY want a baby | | | | was born the IP's didn't dress the baby properly for |
| named after them! Someone sent me some great | | | | the weather and the surro 'just had to say |
| insight as to what went through their mind when a | | | | something'....I think you get the picture! A perfectly |
| casual friend of the family offered to be their | | | | good friendship/family relationship can be totally |
| surrogate: "I'm uncomfortable.... she seems to think | | | | ruined if certain expectations are not in place. And |
| this is her purpose in life, she wants very badly to do | | | | how can guidelines be set if each party is afraid to |
| this for us and I'm afraid that I'll have to spend the | | | | hurt or insult the others feelings? |
| rest of my life being... overly grateful. And since we | | | | One solution might be hiring someone to be a |
| have common friends and our moms are friends, | | | | relationship manager/consultant. In this case the |
| how long before I get labeled as an ingrate? Since | | | | friend offering to be the surrogate would be |
| we talk about once every 3 months now, I think she | | | | screened by the consultant. She would be asked |
| will expect that will change to daily/weekly forever | | | | questions that every surrogate would be expected |
| & if it doesn't then there will be problems. And I | | | | to answer and be evaluated just as anyone else |
| don't want her second guessing every parenting | | | | would be. She would have a background check. The |
| decision we make for the rest of our lives. Other | | | | IP's would know what was happening each and |
| comments that gave me pause were 1. "If I have | | | | every step of the way. Expectations would be clearly |
| triplets you're going to have to name one of them | | | | set for the entire surrogacy relationship and most of |
| after me." And 2. "What happens after delivery? You | | | | these would be listed in the contract. The softer, non |
| just take the baby and leave?" (uhm, yes, because | | | | enforceable issues could be handled by the middle |
| it's mine, not yours.)" | | | | man, the case manager ie consultant. IP's having an |
| These points are very valid! I know of a sister who | | | | issue with Hot Tub usage? Call in the Surrogacy |
| acted as a Gestational Carrier for her brother and | | | | Consultant (SC). Wine with dinner...call in the SC, |
| sister-in-law and lived in the same surrogate friendly | | | | questioning a co-pay? Ask some one else to confront |
| state. At the end of the entire surrogacy process | | | | the surrogate (like the escrow agent) In order to |
| and the baby was born, the brother and sister-in-law | | | | save the friendship it is important to have the |
| left the state and the relationship is rocky at best. | | | | expectations laid on the line. For everyone's sake! |
| Some of the issues that were told to me by the | | | | The other solution? Say "No, thank you" and find |
| surrogate were: | | | | someone else. |
| 1. IPs (brother and SIL) didn't like that she was in the | | | | |