| After interviewing hundreds of potential surrogates | | | | Why is this? I don't believe that it has as much to do |
| and talking with the same amount of Intended | | | | with the baby but with the Intended Parents |
| Parents over the years, the subject always comes | | | | themselves. Surrogate's want to believe that they will |
| up regarding contact after the birth. This | | | | mean more to their couple then "being just a carrier". |
| conversation takes place far before any match is | | | | That they will become life long friends with a |
| made and has shown me over and over the | | | | common goal. That the couple will appreciate her |
| optimism of all parties involved. 'No matter who I am | | | | forever and want to share the same joys that she |
| matched with, we will be having a baby and I would | | | | has experienced with her own children. And, honestly, |
| like to know what will our relationship look like after | | | | throughout the surrogacy journey most relationships |
| the birth?' Expectations. Optimism. Positive thinking. | | | | move from the parties being complete strangers to |
| Call it what you will but its a subject that needs to | | | | constant companions. It's hard to make that jump, |
| be discussed. It needs to be discussed and | | | | after the birth, and return to "normal" life for the |
| UNDERSTOOD that no matter what each party | | | | surrogate mother and the IP's taking care of a |
| maybe feeling NOW, emotions, relationships, | | | | newborn. In an instant, their relationship has changed. |
| situations will change. (Not may change, WILL | | | | When the decision to work together within the realm |
| CHANGE.) | | | | of surrogacy was reached, the conversation |
| I think that some Intended Parents are more than | | | | regarding contact after the birth should have taken |
| willing to consider a relationship with their surrogate | | | | place. And no matter what the agreed consensus |
| and try to actually build that into their vision of what | | | | was at that time, hopefully as the pregnancy |
| a future will look like for their child/children. Some IP's, | | | | progressed, the topic was discussed again. It's ok if |
| flat out, state that they can't get beyond the | | | | the thought process changed and feelings are now |
| thought of a once a year photo and a small | | | | decidedly different between the start of this |
| percentage are seemingly firm on their views on | | | | relationship and the birth but it is important that no |
| future relationship...no contact at all. Period. | | | | one is lead to believe something that will/will not be |
| A large percentage of women who envision | | | | happening...whether that means there will be no |
| themselves becoming a surrogate for a lucky couple | | | | contact at all on the surrogates part, or there will be |
| want some contact after the birth of the baby. They | | | | no photos coming from the IP's or that an |
| understand that this isn't their biological child. They are | | | | unexpected friendship bloomed and everyone wants |
| cognizant of the fact that legally they have no rights, | | | | to have lots of contact as apposed to very little. |
| however, they may see themselves receiving photos | | | | Whatever the situation its best to remember that |
| and visiting with the family a couple of times a | | | | communication is key and the understanding of each |
| year...maybe e-mails or cards when the big milestones | | | | other's emotional investment is essential! |
| happen; first tooth, first step, first day of school. | | | | |